Lately I've been getting enthusiastic bursts of my birth country, patriotism at its most confused. Because I am a U.S. citizen. The red, white and blue stuff is cool but I need to represent my soul roots (no pun intended)-my family are there, my childhood is there, hell, my FOOOOD is there. So I am gonna try to do something in that direction, Korea wise, I mean. Although food is good too.
I have just been thinking a lot about my grandparents actually (and my grandma's cookin-my heart is made of her recipes!) and my desire, for lack of words, to visit them in Seoul. I miss them, I miss the land, I miss the clothes and food. My mind is despairing at the realization that I am still here, in humid and old and heated Florida, with only my screaming mother and rebel little brother and bitchy stepfather. While the rest of my family (treasured uncles and aunts, unknown cousins, old friends) are thousands of miles away, haven't seen me since I was four or five years old.
I get jealous of people who have relatives that live in the next house or the next state, other korean-americans who go visit their families once a year, I get jealous of even the little kitties that pollute the neighborhood outside of my korean church-even their families are geographically close. That explains the smell in the grass ALL the time...